In the last year my life was floating like a slow, wide river. Monotonous and grey. And yet full of expectations of the following weeks that would change the course of the river. Since my last post on June 27th a lot has happened.
My river suddenly increased in rapidness. So fast that I almost couldn’t follow. Rushed to my parents in Trier, left most of my stuff there, rushed to my wilderness practicum in Southern Germany (where I felt like I didn’t have just 5 minutes for myself, but it was still a lot of fun!), went to Zurich, then to Lucerne, then to my third wilderness weekend (great course about plants, I can live from a meadow now 😉 , went to Kiel again (unpacking summer clothes, packing autumn clothes) and now I’m sitting in beautiful Copenhagen.
That’s what my last 4 weeks looked like. Sounds stressful? Yes, sometimes. But I’m feeling great again since a long time.
On many blogs I read articles about leaving your comfort zone. I feel like I have gotten into my comfort zone again 4 weeks ago when I left.
Into novelty, into the unknown, experiencing otherness. Into my comfort zone,
because in the otherness and in novelty I feel more comfortable than in grey routine.
This doesn’t mean I see my life purpose in moving or travelling all the time. No, I like to stay in one place for a couple of years that is different than what I know.
And because I turned my back on Canada (for now) and checkout Europe, I went to Switzerland and Denmark.
Looking for a potential home
Smells like lake water
Tastes like Quinoa, Kale and cabbage
Looks turquoise and bourgeois
Feels clear, even and rounded
Something very noticeable about Zurich: A lot of tourists! Zurich is a small town surrounded by incredible nature. Uetliberg and Zuricher Lake add a few extra stars to the scenery.
Yes, Switzerland is not cheap. Especially restaurants, cafés and bars are expensive. But if you have a closer look at prices in the supermarket, it’s not so much more expensive than Germany. Well, I’m still used to Canadian grocery prices, nothing topped that so far.
But salaries are accordingly higher (that was not the case in Vancouver).
From the mom of my flatmate I got a contact who told me a lot about early childhood education in Switzerland. Salary and paid vacation days sound not too bad. But then I got to know that an ECE educator has to write certificates for 4 year olds. What the hell? Unfortunately I also recognized a lot of sterile gravel-cement on school yards and in daycare yards. That’s a no go for me as a trainee nature- and wilderness pedagogue.
Smells like fireplace, rain, savoury food and cows
Tastes like wet leaves
Looks rustic, grey and misty
Sounds rippling, swooshing and ringing
Lucerne is a rustic city with a very special charme. But it’s also too small for me. It still was a visit worth it. I had an amazing couchsurfing host with whom I clicked right away. Thank you again for all the inside information about living in Switzerland, Ayna!
My conclusion: Let’s see. I liked the landscape and salary but if that’s enough to live in such a meritocratic with (my impression) very conform, bourgeois people (a lot of Catholics here)… I don’t know.
Smells like hydrangea, garlic, lilac and a cool mild summer breeze
Tastes international and like very old history
Looks diverse and peaceful
Sounds loud with islands of silence
I actually just wanted to visit Copenhagen but not with the intention „potential home“.
And then I walked through the streets and thought the whole time “Wow! This city is amazing!”
People here: A mix of casual and style, diverse and international. Life happens a lot outdoors despite cool 20 degrees. In cafés, bars, restaurants and especially close to the water.
I especially notice one thing: The Danes look relaxed. At the cemetery people ride their bike, practice hoola-hoop, read, do Yoga – in Germany is something like that unthinkable! Have you ever seen people hanging out on cemeteries in Germany? I haven’t. Well, I’m from the super catholic Southwest…
Conclusion: Copenhagen as a potential home? Maybe. If there wouldn’t be the cold climate…
Now I’m sitting here in this beautiful city and I’m thinking “how do I actually feel right now?” and listen very deeply inside myself.
I feel free, although still a bit driven, rest contractions from my work life
and being involved in society and its expectations.
Finding a home – a friend recently told me that she hopes I will find a home and stay longer at one place. Yesterday I typed up a new world wanderer interview (coming soon!) and Carol described home like this “Home is where you can be yourself, where you don’t pretend, no masks, and no smile when you are not happy. Just being you.”
So does home mean it has to be at a certain place? Isn’t it more a feeling you are carrying inside?
Morla is sitting in my shoulder blade with her shell, her home she is carrying with her. Her shell is a part of her and her home. She doesn’t have to be at a certain place, she just has to be with herself.
Acceptance as a first step, that’s me and let me be me. I never had this feeling in Germany – but I did in Canada. I was able to be who I am. Was able to be loud, was able to show emotions, was able to be me. Longing for my life there increased again but I still really enjoy being close to my family.
Do you see my inner conflict? I guess some of you might feel the same sometimes. Being here and wanting to be there but actually it’s ok like everything is, so why change anything?
Wanting to change when it doesn’t feel right deep inside of you. When you listen deeply to yourself and realize that you don’t have a chance to be happy where you are right now, then it’s time to leave – even when it hurts and comes with anxiety, concerns and insecurities.
No one gives us a guarantee, a schedule, what comes next. And when we have overcome this phase of insecurities the surging waves calm down again and we have the chance to be happy 🙂