Kiki (3/3)

“Gratitude and faith”

From January 2015 – August 2015 I was 3 times in the situation that I didn’t know if I have to leave the country within a few weeks. That was when my work permit expired (#1). When I was waiting for my new work permit (#2). And when I got rejected (#3).

I didn’t know if I would receive one of those letters where you open and read it and then you are not allowed to work anymore (that happened to my british colleague). It could have happened that I would have to pack all my stuff, or sell it, not being able to work would have meant not being able to pay health insurance, no apartment, forced to leave the country… All those worries and sorrows.

And then I realized how spoiled I am. ‘Who am I that I complain not being able to move from one wealthy and safe country to another wealthy and safe country? I left my home country for luxury reasons. I had a choice. I wasn’t forced to leave my country because of war or poverty.’

So I looked to the bright side of my life in Canada and the most important thing I have learned in the last few years is gratitude. In Germany I always took everything for granted. I am grateful for the opportunity life gave me to improve myself, to learn new things and to experience differences. I have learned about the little things in life, I was stronger than I ever thought I could be and I met incredible people!!

But besides all the gratitude I still had to figure out what I was going to do. My life in Canada was over. I had no future in the country I called home. I had to start all over again.

In my past life I would have chosen the “safe and secure” path. Making plans, applying for jobs, saving money. In the past years I have learned to do what’s best for me. That means to (sometimes) take the unsafe path. What I needed was a break, a vacation. For me there was only one ‘therapy’ that would give me back my energy: New Zealand.

Shortly after I arrived in NZ I could already feel that I was back on track, back in the flow. If I would have received the permanent residency in Canada I wouldn’t have traveled to New Zealand. I wouldn’t have started this blog. And you wouldn’t read this right now 😉

On some days I’m still quite sad that my life in Vancouver/Canada is over. But I keep telling myself that there is a reason why I’m not supposed to be there. I try to look forward and take every day as it is. In the past I was always worried about the future. I always had a plan, everything was 100% organized and when something changed in my plans I got insecure and sometimes even scared that nothing would work out. I always only had this one path in mind. I didn’t look right or left, only straight forward.

After going through so much trouble with my immigration I have learned that plans can change and it’s all about how flexible you are in adjusting to the new situation.

I’m not scared anymore of new beginnings. I’m not scared of wandering to new worlds. Materialistic things don’t matter to me anymore as much as they used to. I had to pack all my stuff (a couple of times) into two suitcases to start a new life. I am used to it by now. Living abroad made me calmer, more peaceful, and I have faith that everything will be alright.
I decided to move to Ireland and when people ask me now why I want to move abroad again I say

‘I like to live the difference. It’s like having a second life’.

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